SAMHey, it’s Sam from New York. If you landed here after typing how to find out if husband is on dating sites, how to see if boyfriend is on dating sites, how can I check if someone is on dating apps, or any version of that, take a breath. You’re not crazy. My friend Charlotte told me to write this on AshleyMadisonList. She gave full consent. Names changed, a few details blurred, but every gut-wrenching moment is real.
How Charlotte Met Mateo in the Hospital
Charlotte works nights as a nurse in a Midtown hospital. Long shifts, fluorescent lights, the smell of antiseptic. In 2022, a guy named Mateo gets rolled in after a car wreck. Broken arm, road rash, blood on his hoodie. She’s the one who cleans the gravel from his skin, wraps the cast, checks his vitals every hour. He’s in pain but still polite. “What’s your name?” he asks. “Charlotte.” “Thanks, Charlotte. You’re saving my life.” He smiles through the grimace. She notices his eyes. A week later he’s discharged, but he comes back with a large coffee and a grin. “Just wanted to say thanks.” They start texting. He’s a cashier at Walmart in Queens. Simple job, simple guy. Good-morning texts. Inside jokes. By early 2023 they’re official. She thinks this might be it.
The First Red Flag: The Mystery Call
One night they’re at his Astoria apartment. Takeout containers on the counter, Netflix paused. His phone rings. Charlotte answers. “Hello?” A girl’s voice says “hello” and cuts the line. Charlotte stares at the screen. Unknown number. She calls back. Straight to voicemail—phone off. Mateo walks in from the bathroom. “Who was that?” “My coworker. Wrong number.” Charlotte knows every single cashier at his Walmart. She’s met them at holiday parties. None of them would hang up like that. The call sits in her head all night.
The Hinge Notification That Broke the Spell
A few nights later. Same apartment. Phone lights up on the coffee table. “Sarah sent you a message on Hinge.” Charlotte’s stomach drops. “Why is Hinge texting you?” He snatches the phone. “It’s spam. Happens all the time.” His face goes blank. Too calm. She’s seen that look on patients lying about how much they drank before driving. She knows it’s a lie.
She Goes Online for Answers
That night she doesn’t sleep. She’s on her phone in the dark, blanket over her head. Reddit first—r/relationships, r/infidelity, r/dating. Threads like “How to find out if ” flood her feed. One post has 400 comments. Another says, “Check his Google Maps timeline.” Quora answers say look for hidden apps in the app library. Articles say search his name + “Tinder” on Google. She tries everything. Browser history wiped. No second phone. No proof. Just suspicion eating her alive.
Starting with Free Tools (Step by Step)
She grabs his best photo from Instagram—the one where he’s smiling at the beach. Starts with the free stuff everyone talks about.
1. Google Lens
Opens the app, points at the photo, hits search.
Results: His Facebook profile, an old tweet from 2019, a family photo on his mom’s page.
Dating apps? Nothing.
2. Bing Images
Uploads the same photo to bing.com/images.
Results: Same public stuff. A stock image site that stole his pic.
Dating apps? Zero.
3. Yandex Images
People on Reddit swear it digs deeper than Google. She goes to yandex.com/images, uploads.
Results: A few random sites in Russian, one forum post from 2020.
Dating apps? Still nothing.
4. TinEye
This one finds exact matches only. tineye.com, upload, search.
Results: His LinkedIn headshot, a Walmart employee newsletter.
Dating apps? Nope.
Here’s what she learned: Free reverse image tools are great for public photos. They catch Instagram, Facebook, old blogs. But dating apps like Hinge, POF, Tinder? They lock everything down. Photos don’t leak. Profiles don’t show.
The Spokeo Search That Changed Everything
Back on Reddit. One comment stands out:
“Try Spokeo. 95 cents for a week. Found my ex on POF in 10 minutes. Used his phone number.”
Charlotte’s done waiting. She signs up at 🔎 Spokeo’s official website. Types in Mateo’s phone number—the one she’s had saved since 2022. Clicks search.
One minute later, the report loads.
- Hinge profile — active, last login 3 hours ago. Bio: “6’0, love dogs, just seeing what’s out there.”
- POF account — created 4 months ago. Photos from the beach trip she took with him.
- Location: Queens.
- Linked email: Something with “mateo92” she’s never seen.
She sits on the edge of the bed. Hands shaking. Scrolls. Sees messages. Sees matches. It’s him. No doubt.
The Quiet Signs That Piled Up
Here’s the thing. It wasn’t just the call or the notification. Little stuff started stacking.
- Phone face-down 24/7. Used to leave it anywhere. Now it’s glued to his hand, screen angled away.
- Battery dies fast. Always on the charger, even after a four-hour shift.
- New passcode. Changed it last month. Won’t share. “Privacy,” he says.
- Shower marathons. Comes home, locks the bathroom, runs the water 20 minutes. Like he’s washing off someone else.
- “Work friends” he never names. Talks about new people at the store, but no stories, no names.
- Sudden gym obsession. New tank tops, new cologne, new schedule. “Gotta stay healthy,” he says.
- Defensive fast. Ask about his day, he snaps. “Why you always questioning me?”
Charlotte starts connecting dots. She’s not paranoid. She’s a nurse—she reads symptoms.
The Confrontation and Breakup
Mateo gets home from his shift at 11 p.m. Smells like cologne and subway.
“I know about Hinge. And Plenty Of Fish.”
He freezes.
“What are you talking about?”
She shows him the Spokeo report on her phone.
He tries to lie. Says it’s an old account. Says he forgot the password.
She scrolls to the last login: 3 hours ago.
He breaks. Cries. Says he was “bored.” Met a girl from Hinge. Thought it was harmless.
Charlotte doesn’t scream. She just packs her toothbrush, her scrubs, her dignity. Leaves at midnight. Done.
Why Spokeo Beat the Rest
Your 7 Tools to Check Anyone (With Honest Pros/Cons)
Charlotte’s Final Words
“I never wanted to be the girl checking phones. But I needed truth. One phone number. 95 cents. One minute. That’s all it took. Don’t wait for proof to fall in your lap. Get it yourself.”
If you’re asking how to find out if someone is on dating sites, start with the free tools. Nothing shows? Try Spokeo. It’s cheap. It works. And yeah, the truth hurts like hell—but living a lie hurts worse.
Charlotte’s back on night shifts now. Single. Stronger. She’s hiking in the Catskills on her days off. New York keeps moving. So will you. And if you need to talk it out, Brooklyn’s got bars that open at noon. Grab a stool. Order a whiskey. You’re not alone.
Disclaimer: For privacy, all names (including Charlotte, Mateo, and mine), locations, and personal details have been changed. The story is real, but nothing here can trace back to anyone involved.
